Fascination
Friday, August 5th, 2005The encounter with Reality, essence, nonduality, whatever you want to call it, has a particular feel. Words can’t describe it, although they can circumambulate it like a devotee moving around a shrine.
Please realize that I said “the encounter with Reality.” We are talking about a kind of primordial recognition, not a process of witnessing or scientific observation.
In fact, this moment of primordial recognition has as its hallmark flavors the breakdown of logic and the repulsion of processes normally associated with understanding.
On the one hand, you know it. On the other hand, it is beyond all understanding. This paradoxical encounter between absolute, incontrovertible recognition and impenetrability to knowledge, logic, and “getting it” releases an energy or shakti. The best word I know for this shakti of the paradoxical encounter with essence is FASCINATION.
Reality draws us to her with fascination. The closer we get, the more we surrender to the paradox, the more in love and the more fascinated we become. This shakti of fascination draws us toward moksha, or freedom.
Let me tell you a story.
Some years ago, my teacher instructed me to start doing sadhana focused on a certain female deity. After a few months, I reported back that I couldn’t connect to this deity. I told my teacher I felt more of a connection to Kali. So he started me on that sadhana. I had many deep feelings and insights about Kali, and I developed more of a relationship with her through the practice.
But from years back, and continuing through this period, images of Ganesha would come spontaneously into my mind. Now, what self-respecting budding yogini would choose Ganesha, that friendly, fat, elephant-headed guy, over Kali as her ishta devata (main deity)? I mean, isn’t Kali the required choice for a certain brand of modern grrl? (You know who you are!)
Even my teacher would say at the odd moment, “Ganesha is for beginners.” Or “Everyone loves Ganesha.” How could I be so common?
Slowly, slowly, Ganesha loomed larger in my consciousness and practice. I felt something looking at images of him that I had never felt for Kali. I felt fascination. I felt his all-ecompassingness and his absolute mystery. He was teasing me, drawing me in.
Someday I might try to write a post called “Why I love Ganesha.” But I am afraid to start. Ganesha has more manifest forms than any other deity. He is the embodiment of the wild diversity of life, of pristine cosmic consciousness, and absolute love. He is the consummate Tantrik yogi, and he is also Lalita, a conjunction I learned about through sadhana, and that was confirmed when I discovered a South Indian form of Ganapati/Lalita called Sri Vidya Ganeshi.
You see, once I start, I might never stop. But that might be ok with Ganesha. He is also a writer.
In ancient times, the Ganapatyas, or worshippers of Ganesha, were one of four main Tantrik traditions: the Shaktas, the Shaivites, the Vaishnavites, and the Ganapatyas. There are still Ganapatyas, mainly in South India, but the tradition is no longer considered one of the main arms of Tantra.
However, now there is at least one Ganapatya in Oakland, California!
Ganesha has taught me so much through doing his sadhana, but I will never know Ganesha. When I look at him, I merge with the texture of this “not knowing,” and I know it is Reality. Through the paradox of not knowing/knowing, through this primordial recognition, every day, I feel more love and fascination for this “Ganesha way” of encountering the world essence.
People, especially we Americans, often try to decide everything through logical thought processes. Where choosing a Guru or an Ishta Devata is concerned, it is better to feel for this primordial recognition and the shakti of fascination that bubbles forth.
OM Shanti,
Shambhavi
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