Initiation and the Name Game
Monday, November 21st, 2005The head of my lineage, Paramahamsa Satyananda Saraswati, says that sannyasins should be nameless. Names are only a matter of social convenience.
But he also sees spiritual names as catalysts. A spiritual name is a pointer toward the particular flavor in which you express Shiva nature and thus, an indication of what is to be opened to through sadhana.
People usually have strong feelings about their diksha (initiation) names. In our lineage, it is common to get a provisional name first, and then when the work of that name has been “completed,” a second name is given.
My diksha Guru did not like either of his names. As a young, spiritual go-getter, the name he would have preferred was one that sounded very heroic. The name he actually ended up with is softer and more expansive.
A heroic or vira approach is the norm among Tantriks. You need some fire to apply transformational practices. But fire is not the be-all, end-all. Fire must give way to water, to adaptability and the soft, pervasion of nondual consciousness. Transformation gives way to direct realization.
My teacher’s Gurus were wise in that they did not give a name that reinforced an established self-image, but one that created space for relaxation and opening.
As did my teacher, I had a hard time with my name.
I was given a name prior to “Lalita” that was not an official, initiated name, but one that my teacher called me by before I took diksha. I was VERY attached to that name. I boasted and bragged about it (with an air of false spiritual humility, of course), and soaked up the many compliments I got about its beauty.
On the day of my first diksha, I got wind of the fact that my name would change. I basically threw a tantrum. Just prior to the formal initiation, my teacher looked down into my tear-flooded eyes and said kindly “You are bigger than any name.”
Did I fall at his feet in recognition and gratitude? Nope.
Instead, I answered hotly “I am not!”
Geez, I guess sadhana really does work.
As regular readers of Living Tantra know, I was recently initiated with a new name.
There is an interesting and instructive history here.
A few months before I received the name “Shambhavi”, my teacher forgot my first diksha name.
We were sitting in a café with some other students. Suddenly, he proclaimed that I had chosen “Lalita” on my own, and that my real diksha name was the early name I had held onto so tenaciously before initiation.
I was astonished. Surely this was a moment of supreme Karmic hijinks. And of some import, although I didn’t know what import. A full circle had come to a dramatic and comic close.
This moment revealed itself to be the prelude to much growth. It gave me the opportunity to “taste” the state of namelessness. I had long ago given up identification with my birth name. So if I was not “Lalita,” then I was no one. This was very valuable. That namelessness is still with me.
And what is namelessness? Namelessness feels like being bigger than any name. And being bigger than any name feels like finding a home in supportless equanimity. So, more than five years later, I would say that I finally got what my teacher told me on my first initiation day.
With this namelessness as “foundation,” and with the empowerment of a profound initiation, my new name doesn’t feel like a “regular” name. It is more like an activated mantra: a direct doorway into the state of groundless becoming.
Thanks to my wise teachers, this time, instead of “I am not!”, I can say “Aham”: I am.
OM Shanti,
Shambhavi
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