Open in Doubt
Saturday, January 13th, 2007Two Living Tantra readers asked similar questions recently. Both are about doubt. One reader wondered why she gets so angry when a person acts blissed-out, or spiritually above it all.
Another reader entered a state of criticism and skepticism while watching a video of a satsang being given by a well-known spiritual teacher. The teacher was faking it. The students were dupes. Why is everyone else so gullible?
These obsessive, angry thoughts took over his mind, and he wanted to know why.
The answer in both instances is doubt.
We all want to have confidence that an end to our suffering is possible. The View of most spiritual traditions is that, one way or another, our suffering will eventually end.
But we doubt ourselves and the life process itself. We are in a state of longing for realization and doubt that this is possible. Or we feel it is possible, but fear it will not be granted to us. Or both.
We become angry or derisive when we see, or think we see, a person faking spiritual accomplishment. Or perhaps we approach every spiritual teacher or fellow practitioner with an attitude of critical skepticism.
Those of whom we are critical reflect our own doubts back to us. If they are obvious fakers, or even if they simply stumble in some way, we are reminded of our own uncomfortable self doubts, fear of making mistakes, and fear of being humiliated. If we think they may be onto something good, we are reminded of how passed over and left out we feel. We don’t like to be reminded of these feelings.
The bottom line is: The moment when anger or criticism arises is actually the secondary moment of our reaction. Anger, criticism, skepticism, and denigration of others are masks that serve to hide doubt, loneliness, and longing.
Even in a state of anger and skepticism, we are poignantly expressing our deep longing for realization and connection.
Doubt is a fascinating phenomenon. Everywhere you look in spiritual traditions, you are advised, trained, ordered, and warned not to doubt.
However, when you reflect on it, doubt is a softer, more open state than is skepticism. It is possible to learn more when you are in touch with doubt than when you are angry or critical. If you haven’t yet developed your confidence, it is better to stick with your real situation of doubt than to armor yourself with attitudes of superiority.
Can you imagine if, instead of honestly confessing his doubt, Arjuna had scoffed at Krishna, “What a loser! I know more than you do, you fake!”? The greatest story of the human condition would not have been written. (I’m talking about the Bhagavad Gita, for those who are wondering.)
As painful as our condition of doubt may be, it brings us more opportunity for growth and connection than do anger, criticism, and skepticism.
Doubting is a middle position. When we are in doubt, we have not yet decided. We are suspended between or among. We can absorb. We can change. We can learn.
Many traditions recommend faith or belief as an antidote to doubt. However, my teachers have always advised that belief and faith are of no consequence.
Reality is. What is the benefit if you believe in it or have faith in it, or not? Belief may be comforting, but it is ultimately a limiting gesture.
Belief and faith are attitudes some people are reluctant to relinquish. But life is to be discovered, not to be believed in.
When we discover for ourselves, we develop confidence in life.
Sādhana, or practice, is the process of discovering Reality or “Sad.” We don’t have to believe or prop ourselves up with faith. We have the tools given to us by our traditions. With these, we can develop embodied understanding, and thus confidence in ourselves and the life process.
We can find out about life.
No one who embarks on a spiritual path is entirely without confidence. Exposing yourself to a perspective larger than the one you currently hold is itself a gesture of confidence, or remembering your essential nature.
If we did not already possess some confident memory of the natural state, we would never begin. We would be 100% certain of our limited perspective. Doubt and longing would never arise.
When we are drawn to a tradition or a teacher, we are remembering something. We are recognizing something in which we have confidence, even if the recognition is fleeting and we cannot articulate or maintain it.
When you are feeling lost in doubt, or overcome by reactive, secondary emotions, it is a good practice to stop and remember that in which you have unshakable confidence.
Perhaps it is a small, “guiding star” moment that occurred at some point in your life when the natural state, or Reality, was revealed to you in a way that did not leave room for all of these doubting or angry feelings.
Perhaps it is what you see manifesting in the form of your teacher.
Perhaps it is what you hear emanating from the teachings of your tradition.
Perhaps it is a knowing inside yourself that you can contact in a quiet moment of reflection.
When you remember your confidence, you can cultivate its presence in your everyday life. You can reflect on this feeling in your seated practice, and you can invoke it repeatedly during daily activities. You can cultivate it in the presence of your teacher, and by reading inspiring words from the teachers of your tradition.
The process of sādhana is simply cultivating your memory of the natural state over and over again until you can’t forget it, until it becomes your conscious everyday base, until you have confidence in that.
Confidence, however, is not security. The ground of Reality is always moving. Confidence is simply knowing how things are with the world and relaxing, or going along with that.
OM Shanti,
Shambhavi
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